I was posessed!!

Sat, 01 Sep 2007 00:33:29 GMT

So about 2 months ago I was sitting in my room, which at the time was in a creepy basement in a house that I lived in for 2 years but always belived to be haunted. I was journaling and this is how it went:

I long for human contact. For the touch of someone who cares. For the kind thoughts and energy from a person who loves me. Where is this person. Why am I alone? I want to find fufillment within, but I'm afraid of the dissapointment. The discontent of my oneness. I'm not there. I have not found self-reliance. I feel so strongly that I need someone. Not a lover. Not someone I have known. That special caring I haven't felt. That energy. It's not where I long to be. It's not here. Not yet. I haven't found my oneness. Therefore the external energy cannot become. I haven't achieved that level. Almost a punishment. My torment. My aloneness. So alone. So alone. The feeling has shifted, I feel scared and paranoid. More scared. (THIS IS WHERE I PRETTY MUCH BLACKED OUT BUT KEPT WRITING)

My chest is heavy, my heart pounds in my head and my ears. The feeling is overtaking me. My body tense. As is someone is choking me. My jaw is tight and my teeth are starting to get sore. The front of my head is ounding like a jackhammer. My mouth is dry (I HAVE TO GO, I'LL FINISH LATER)

Letter to Lahna

Mon, 16 Oct 2006 17:58:57 GMT

I feel like I cant work anymore. I have so much running through my mind. Too many decisions. Too many mistakes. I feel that there is no "catching up" anymore, so now I have lots of decisions to make and not enough time. Truly I have all the time in the world, but I feel like if I just sit back and let things happen as much as I have then nothing will get done quickly enough. I'm obviously keeping my job, in case you don't understand, I mean I cant concentrate on working. I'm not able to clear my mind right now when I feel there is sooooo much to do and contemplate. I'm so lost, yet I feel like I'm the least lost I've ever been, does that make sense?

Yesterday, I had a chakra/aura reading and it brought some clarity to my journey, but at the same time it confused me even more. Now, I'm a big contradiction! Lol Well thanks for reading my thoughts. I know my life could be easier if I would just "buckle down" and work towards what everyone else thinks is the most important aspects to life, but that's not where I'm at and I don't think I will ever go back. I'm too far "down the rabbit hole"

redboronia

I was posessed!!

Letter to Lahna